Definition - #301 - #7 – What’s the difference between a Conversation and an Argument?

If you don’t clearly know the difference between “an argument” and “a conversation”, the chances are you are “arguing” 90 % of the time!!! Is that what you want? Well, how do you know, if you don’t know the difference!!!

Before you start defending yourself, let me ask and answer some questions……

1. If you think one is louder than another; can’t you have a quiet “argument”? How about the Supreme Court? Don’t they “argue” most of the time? Volume is NOT the difference!!
2. If you have a disagreement, do you have to have an “argument”? Can’t you disagree and still have a quiet “conversation”? Disagreement is NOT the difference!!
Get the problem? If you knew the difference, someone could argue with you; but, you wouldn’t have to argue with them. While they’re arguing, you would be “conversing”!! …. Possible???… You bet!!

I would like to propose some definitions…….

1. A “conversation” is an oral exchange, between two or more people, WHERE THE SOLE PURPOSE IS TO EXCHANGE VIEWS. One must reach “mutual definitions and understandings” of these views. With no positive attempt to gain “mutual understanding, we don’t begin to have even a “meaningful dialogue”.

2. An “argument” is an oral exchange between, two or more people, where ONE PERSON STATES HIS OPINION AS FACT”!!! There is little or no attempt to find mutual understanding!! One is faced with a personal opinion stated as a fact. “You are wrong!’…. “Americans think …” …… “The government is….” There’s no discussion. There’s no attempt to state that “this is only your opinion”. This is stated as a fact!!! That’s an “argument”.

Try this question on your friends. If you really ask good questions about the “so called answers” you receive, you’ll prove to yourself that most people do not understand the difference!

If the purpose of meaningful oral exchange is to get someone to understand your point of view, the least you can do is “NOT” state your opinion as a “fact” but merely as “your opinion”. At least that’s a first step!! If they’re not motivated or trained (educated?) to ask meaningful questions about what you meant; they will immediately react by giving you their opinion stated as “the fact”. The fight is on!!!

If the purpose of “your” oral exchange is to find out what your friend “meant”, you will react by asking good, clear, meaningful questions. They may want to argue. You want to “understand”. If, then, you wish to give your point of view, state it as “your, personal point of view”….. “NOT as a fact”!!!

(Much of this subject has to do with “definitions’. Obviously if you still don’t know what the “definition of a definition” is, you are “handicapped” to begin with!! … see, again, Series #101 - # 02)