What a strange thing to say.....”form clarifying questions”!!
For instance.....
“What’s your definition of the word(s) so and so?”
“What do you mean by better? Better by what standard?”
“What do we do in the meantime?"
“Is this truly a successful alternative or just another analysis or opinion?”
Get the idea?
You are first trying to truly understand what you are being told. Don’t try to form an opinion until you first know what the other person is saying. Did they make their point clear? Did they “define”, did they explain first why their thought was a “successful alternative”?
It all goes back to “successful communication”! .... to full, mutual understanding!!!
Too many times we find it convenient to “warn”, “to criticize”, to “tell someone something”! How about “forming clarifying questions” to make sure you understand what another person is trying to “get across”! Perhaps your questions might show the other person that he is not so sure as he was in the beginning. It all depends on the intelligence behind the questions..... “Why did you have to say that? Did you think I was not already aware of that? Does that add to my present knowledge? Is that a “successful alternative” or just something you want me to accept.... to accept without question, that is!”
This idea goes both ways!!!!
As the “instigator” of the conversation, you have a “duty” to pre-judge the questions of your listener and define, clarify, and state your observations in such a way as to answer most of their questions before they are asked.
For instance:..Why did I start this conversation in the first place? If it’s just social chit chat then I don’t need to be so thoughtful. If I want to get an idea “across”, then I have a “different kettle of fish”!
Can you be misunderstood?....... Of course! But you can make it as clear as you can. You can test yourself. Did I answer all the questions that might come up? Did I use language that is easily understood? But most of all, “Did I try to understand what the listener is “likely to feel”! Does he feel that I’m criticizing him? Does he feel like I’m trying to tell him something (for his own good!). Do I present my information in such a way as to leave my listener a choice? Can he just “forget it”? Is he free to disregard my opinions? Do I need to feel “that I’ve told him something?
These are the “traps” we all fall in! This is one of the reasons people “turn off”!
Of course there are people who are “turned off” by anything....anything but their own opinions. We must try to be aware of this before-hand! Why start a conversation if you already feel this opposition? .... It is up to you to judge your listener!... before you start!
Why not try to state your position as to why you want to start your conversation in the beginning. At least you have communicated your purpose. .....“I want to feel I can contribute ,,,my experience, my past life, etc.” At least you have explained you’re not going to criticize, to “tell”, to direct, etc. All you want to do is to freely express your contribution...... that’s all!
Remember, to reach a “successful alternative, you should “form clarifying questions”, NOT “criticizing comments”!
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