Personal - #501 - #14 – What’s the difference between a “friend” and an “acquaintance”?

“Young man, how many friends have you got?”
“Oh, I guess I have six friends!”
Young man, what’s a friend?”
“err, ahh, hmm, …..”
“Well you had six. What were they?” …… “What’s a friend?”
Well someone I trust.”
“OK. There’s a man in the middle of traffic in a blue uniform. He directs traffic. Do you trust him?”
“yeah, sort of….”
“Is he a friend?”
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This is a typical conversation. The young man knows he has something but he really doesn’t know what it is. He’s never been confronted about what he said. He’s never been questioned about his own words. Isn’t this typical about most conversations? Instead of defensively regurgitating your opinions, shouldn’t you first find out what the meaning of the conversation is? …… What the definitions of the terms are….. If there can be a mutual agreement on what was said?
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What’s the problem about “NOT KNOWING”?

Well, you may have thought you had a friend and he turned out to be just an acquaintance!
You didn’t lose a friend! You lost an acquaintance!
Doesn’t this change things? Doesn’t this make a difference to you? Do you feel as bad knowing you just lost an acquaintance?
But, if you don’t know the difference ……
You may have “wished on this person” all the attributes you wanted but may never have existed in him . You may have put your trust in a person who was not your friend but merely an acquaintance
Go to the bathroom and look in the mirror and see someone who has made a mistake!
Now, do you see the value in knowing the difference.?

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By the way, this is a very important issue. Do you have a personal definition for the words “you use to yourself”; or, do you just put a common label on things and suffer the consequences?

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Suppose I mention a few differences between a “friend” and an “acquaintance”:

A “friend” is:
a. A friend is usually someone you know over a reasonably longer time.
b. A friend is someone you have tried to share ideas, confidences and deep personal feelings with.
c. And, yes, someone you ,at least, trust.
d. A friend is someone you care deeply about, you have confidence in.
e. A friend is someone whose advice and comfort you value and appreciate.
An “acquaintance” is:
a. Someone who you just met or occasionally meet. Someone you know for a short time. (They could be a new friend, but careful is the word here!)
b. An acquaintance is someone you “hold back” on, you don’t necessarily feel comfortable with, you feel a lack of confidence in.
c. Someone you think has some important values but you’re not quite sure.
d. Someone you “might like to “ care about.

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When you begin to be more “defined”, more explicit with yourself, everything is better. You can enjoy your true friend more because you know better what his real, extraordinary values are to you. You can also be more careful about what you see in a newer acquaintance. You don’t have “to look in the mirror so much”!! You don’t feel as much pain, because you didn’t arrive at a place where you “wished” certain attributes in another only to find out that they didn’t exist in the first place. Life gets better, more orderly, less frustrating the more you know. But…. There is a choice!!

It’s always up to you!


(I hope you see the advantages of trying a little harder to mutually “define and understand”.)

“ Is there a successful alternative?”