Personal - #501 - #11 – What’s the definition of: “a meaningful relationship”

“Most people wouldn’t know a “meaningful relationship” if it hit ‘em in the mouth!!!” …. Wow!!!

What a statement! … Make you mad? … Did you think you knew???

Let’s explore……!

1. What’s the word “meaningful” mean? Meaningful as “valuable? Or, meaningful as, just “serious”? Meaningful to just me or to both of us? How do I know it’s meaningful to you? How do I check? Or, is this a one way street? … O.K. with me, or, not OK with me? …. Important to me , or, not important to me?

2. What makes it “valuable”? … “Valuable” to me? … What makes it “valuable” to you? … Do I care? (By the way, what does the word “valuable” mean to both of us?)

3. What in heavens name does the word “relationship” mean???
“At least, I’m sure I understand him!!… or ….. I don’t really know if he understands me, but, I think he does!”
(By the way, what does the word “understand” mean to each of us? Is it “agree”, “disagree”, etc.?)

4. Does “relationship” include two way, mutually understandable communication; or, is “closeness” enough? How do you find out?.. Even you .. are “you” qualified to judge? What is his “judgement”? How do you find out?

5. Is “respect” involved in a “meaningful relationship”? (You know what’s coming!)
(What’s your “mutual definition” of “respect”? Are you talking about “fear”, “discipline”, intellectual respect, ethnic or age respect? What “are” you talking about?)

So you see, maybe “having a meaningful relationship” is not so easy to recognize. Maybe what’s a “meaningful relationship” to you is not the same as to another person. Maybe you expect too much from something that isn’t there!! Maybe it never was there!!! Maybe you threw away the only “meaningful relationship’ you ever had but didn’t recognize it as such!!!

I present these few questions as a kind of map that you can explore to see if “what you think is what you’ve got!!” ….. “Is there a successful alternative?”

To have a “meaningful relationship”, you must try to mutually communicate and answer some of these questions and more. If you think you have a “relationship” is that enough? Do you have to care whether the other person is involved? As long as you are satisfied, is that enough?

It is, if you don’t change your mind and begin to expect even more. Maybe it wasn’t there in the first place. Maybe you didn’t know enough to care whether it was or was not. But now you do care! What now?
You may have a price to pay. If it isn’t there, the value of the relationship to you may not warrant you staying in it. If it’s, truly, “that valuable to you”, you must recognize it and make the appropriate move.

But, it is just as important to you that you recognize the true “value to you”, as opposed to the “next step”. Maybe, in light of the next step, your opinion of its importance to you is less!
You’ll never know unless you think about it. It will NOT just “come to you”!

Obviously a lot of mutually, well defined, communication is required. Are you, yourself, capable and motivated to achieve such communication. Is your “other half” capable and motivated? Maybe your relationship should remain just that …”a relationship”. Maybe it’s NOT a “meaningful relationship”! Maybe it doesn’t have to be!!! It may be good enough for now. What’s wrong with that? The only problem with this is that, if you begin to expect more, if you begin to want more; you may not be able to find it. It just might not be there! Look in the bathroom mirror and say… “I made a mistake. I thought that I had more. I never tried to find out. I can’t be disappointed because I received what I thought I wanted. I just changed!!!” No harm in that ….. and no stomachache either!!!

The heartache comes when all this comes as a surprise!! Now, there’s no need for surprise. … a little disappointment, but no surprise! Time to either “accept” or “to move on”! … What’s it really worth to you?


I find there is simply no substitute for “understanding”!